O'Brien County's Bell-Times-Courier -

Articles written by Dorothy Rosby

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Why I Miss Going to Meetings

If it weren’t for that little matter of everyone I come in contact with being potentially hazardous to my health right now, I’d suggest we go back to having meetings in person instead of on Zoom, Cisco and the other online meeting platforms. You...

 

Imagining a World with Better Faucets and Cleaner Hands

I’m about to break into a chorus of “Happy Birthday” in a public restroom when—oh no! The faucet is one those where you push down the handle instead of turning it. Then the handle, which can’t possibly know how dirty your hands are, decides...

 

(Not) Working from Home

A lot of us are working from home right now, so I think this is a good time to talk about why we're not getting anything done. I'm an expert on this subject-not getting anything done, I mean. And I...

 

Someday When I'm Social Distancing

I once wrote a column with the prophetic title, "Someday When I'm Quarantined." In it, I vowed that if I were ever unable to leave my home for a few months, I'd finally do all of the things I don't...

 

One Sock, Two Sock, Red Sock, Blue Sock

I have blue socks to wear with blue pants, gray socks to wear with gray pants and black socks to wear with red pants. Kidding. I just wanted to make sure you were paying attention. I was content with...

 

A Bad Case of Friggatriskaidekaphobia

More than 17 million Americans suffer from friggatriskaidekaphobia though they seldom admit it, mainly because they can't pronounce it. Loosely translated, friggatriskaidekaphobia means, "I'd like to...

 

Ode to an Extra Day

You know that old poem? Thirty days hath September, April, June, and November; All the rest have thirty-one, Excepting February alone, And that has twenty-eight days clear And twenty-nine in each leap...

 

Love, Honor...and Make You See Things My Way

This year, I'm going to give my Valentine the best gift of all: understanding. And by that I mean, his understanding of me. Instead of a card, I'm giving him this letter explaining why I do what I...

 
 By Dorothy Rosby    News    January 30, 2020

Is that a Duck on Your Head?

One day you're going along, minding your own business and someone walks by with a duck on his head. And then someone else does. And someone else. And suddenly you realize wearing a duck on your head is the new thing. I don't know why anything...

 

And the Winners for 2019...

It was the best of lists. It was the worst of lists. Also the most, least, biggest, smallest, flattest and roundest of lists. 'Tis the season when experts on everything roll out their report cards of...

 

Blue, Buffalo and 2020 Vision

Yes, I realize I'm very late getting my Christmas letter out, but there's a good reason for that: I'm late writing it. I hope you had a wonderful 2019. I started mine on the couch with my feet up....

 

Dorothy Wreaks Havoc on Thanksgiving and Not Just In Kansas

I was feeling pretty confident about cooking Thanksgiving dinner for eight guests until I saw the headline: Dorothy Could Make a Mess of Thanksgiving. Well dang. I've made a mess of Thanksgiving on...

 

No Elephants Were Harmed in the Making of this Column

There's a box in my guest room containing one redneck coloring book (never used), four pink flamingos (brand-new), one wrench beer opener (still in the package) and an assortment of other equally...

 

Cooks in Crisis

Every year, while I prepare our Thanksgiving meal, such as it is, I tune into The Splendid Table's annual live call-in show, Turkey Confidential, on National Public Radio. Food experts talk turkey abo...

 

Cheese Puffs and Politics

I was very inspired by an interview I heard on a news program today, if by inspired you mean completely disgusted and more cynical then I've ever been. It lasted at least two minutes and there was a...

 

Straight Talk About Geezeritus

I'll be 40 next year. Did I say 40? I meant 60. Same difference. They both fall under the benign-sounding umbrella of "middle age," though it seems to me calling 60 "middle" might be a tad...

 

Dancing a Metaphor for Life

As I spun around the room at a recent wedding dance, I had a profound thought: Dancing is a perfect metaphor for life, and not just the part about going around and around and getting nowhere. I've...

 
 By Dorothy Rosby    News    August 29, 2019

Clueless

If you'd noticed at all, here's how you might have interpreted what happened outside my home recently: Oh, a car with out-of-state plates. Someone in the neighborhood must have guests. End of story....

 

Saved by the Bell

I've got it: An easy way to avoid talking to people we don't want to talk to. Coincidentally, it's the same way we avoid talking to people we do want to talk to, and you know how we do that. We talk...

 

Siri, Cortana and Alexa Walk into a Bar

(Dear reader, what follows is a true story that I made up. In other words, it didn't happen, but it really could have.) Ann told a group of us having lunch that her husband is having an affair. "We...

 

Big Foot Is A Gasbag

After a great deal of time and effort and some very careful calculations, I've managed to measure my carbon footprint. It turns out that, much like my actual footprint, it's somewhere between a large...

 

One Small Step for Man, One Giant Leap for Bubblegum

It was fifty years ago on July 20 that astronauts Buzz Aldrin, Neil Armstrong and Michael Collins traveled to the moon, changing America forever and inspiring one of the most famous and often-quoted...

 

May I Speak to a Real Person Please

I once ordered virus software from a particular company. Turns out, it would have been easier to have a virus. I was unable to download the software, so I emailed the support desk for help as...

 

Business is Picking Up

An article's headline is like a carnival barker without the midway. Metaphorically speaking, it calls out to readers as they hurry by. "Read this! You won't win a giant teddy bear, but you won't have...

 

Business is Picking Up

The reason people who litter are called litterbugs is because they bug me. Okay, maybe that's not the reason. But they do bug me. Litter ends up in waterways. It makes road ditches and parks look...

 

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