O'Brien County's Bell-Times-Courier -

Articles written by Dorothy Rosby

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Resolve to Start Eating Better Next August

I had an epiphany this past Halloween. I was sitting alone, eating miniature candy bars from a giant bowl. I got my usual number of trick-or-treaters: four. Maybe next year I should leave the lights...

 

Americans Can't Even Agree on Turkey Time

Listening to the radio one day, I heard the editor of a cooking magazine say that 4 p.m. is the "proper" time, indeed, the only time to serve Thanksgiving dinner. If your turkey is done any earlier...

 

All the Cars I've Loved

I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I talk to my car. I praise it when it makes it up my steep, slippery hill in the winter. And I pat it on the dashboard and apologize if I grind the gears or let the...

 

It's Scary Out There

A lot of people may not be comfortable with Halloween activities this year because of the pandemic. It's a shame really, because we all have masks now. But any other year, normally sane people would...

 

Mutterings from the Arboretum

Holy leaf blower! We have enough trees to start an arboretum. If you'd been in my living room this morning, you'd have seen me staring out my window and muttering something like, "I swear we have...

 

Still Not a Smoker

I two step while I cook and pirouette while I unload the dishwasher. Then I waltz with the broom-while I sweep up the dishes I broke two stepping and pirouetting. I just love working in the kitchen!...

 

Google the Omnipotent

I was racking my brain one day, trying to come up with a clever phrase for a particularcolumn. As I'm sure you're aware, I never did. But that's because I got off track when I started to wonder if,...

 

How to Take a Porcupine to the Vet

Going to the veterinarian is traumatic for our cat which means it's also traumatic for my husband and me. Probably for the vet too. Honestly, I'd rather take a bobcat in for shots. Or a Brahma bull....

 

No More Flying Mustard

I don't mean to brag, but our refrigerator is above average. These days, the average fridge lasts just 14 years. Ours is 26 and still humming along, though it hums a little louder than it did when my...

 

Hey Greeting Card Company! You Can Do Better.

Dear Greeting Card Person, I'm about to have a milestone birthday. I won't say which one, but I'll give you a hint: It's not 10. I'm writing to suggest you make some changes to your birthday card...

 

I'm a Bit Fitter Than I Was Last Month

I lost my fitness tracker in September, so I haven't been able to exercise for almost nine months. I'm joking. I've been training like an Olympic athlete, I just can't prove it without my tracker....

 

Why I Miss Going to Meetings

If it weren’t for that little matter of everyone I come in contact with being potentially hazardous to my health right now, I’d suggest we go back to having meetings in person instead of on Zoom, Cisco and the other online meeting platforms. You...

 

Imagining a World with Better Faucets and Cleaner Hands

I’m about to break into a chorus of “Happy Birthday” in a public restroom when—oh no! The faucet is one those where you push down the handle instead of turning it. Then the handle, which can’t possibly know how dirty your hands are, decides...

 

(Not) Working from Home

A lot of us are working from home right now, so I think this is a good time to talk about why we're not getting anything done. I'm an expert on this subject-not getting anything done, I mean. And I...

 

Someday When I'm Social Distancing

I once wrote a column with the prophetic title, "Someday When I'm Quarantined." In it, I vowed that if I were ever unable to leave my home for a few months, I'd finally do all of the things I don't...

 

One Sock, Two Sock, Red Sock, Blue Sock

I have blue socks to wear with blue pants, gray socks to wear with gray pants and black socks to wear with red pants. Kidding. I just wanted to make sure you were paying attention. I was content with...

 

A Bad Case of Friggatriskaidekaphobia

More than 17 million Americans suffer from friggatriskaidekaphobia though they seldom admit it, mainly because they can't pronounce it. Loosely translated, friggatriskaidekaphobia means, "I'd like to...

 

Ode to an Extra Day

You know that old poem? Thirty days hath September, April, June, and November; All the rest have thirty-one, Excepting February alone, And that has twenty-eight days clear And twenty-nine in each leap...

 

Love, Honor...and Make You See Things My Way

This year, I'm going to give my Valentine the best gift of all: understanding. And by that I mean, his understanding of me. Instead of a card, I'm giving him this letter explaining why I do what I...

 
 By Dorothy Rosby    News    January 30, 2020

Is that a Duck on Your Head?

One day you're going along, minding your own business and someone walks by with a duck on his head. And then someone else does. And someone else. And suddenly you realize wearing a duck on your head is the new thing. I don't know why anything...

 

And the Winners for 2019...

It was the best of lists. It was the worst of lists. Also the most, least, biggest, smallest, flattest and roundest of lists. 'Tis the season when experts on everything roll out their report cards of...

 

Blue, Buffalo and 2020 Vision

Yes, I realize I'm very late getting my Christmas letter out, but there's a good reason for that: I'm late writing it. I hope you had a wonderful 2019. I started mine on the couch with my feet up....

 

Dorothy Wreaks Havoc on Thanksgiving and Not Just In Kansas

I was feeling pretty confident about cooking Thanksgiving dinner for eight guests until I saw the headline: Dorothy Could Make a Mess of Thanksgiving. Well dang. I've made a mess of Thanksgiving on...

 

No Elephants Were Harmed in the Making of this Column

There's a box in my guest room containing one redneck coloring book (never used), four pink flamingos (brand-new), one wrench beer opener (still in the package) and an assortment of other equally...

 

Cooks in Crisis

Every year, while I prepare our Thanksgiving meal, such as it is, I tune into The Splendid Table's annual live call-in show, Turkey Confidential, on National Public Radio. Food experts talk turkey abo...

 

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