O'Brien County's Bell-Times-Courier -

Articles written by Dorothy Rosby

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And the Winners for 2019...

It was the best of lists. It was the worst of lists. Also the most, least, biggest, smallest, flattest and roundest of lists. 'Tis the season when experts on everything roll out their report cards of...

 

Blue, Buffalo and 2020 Vision

Yes, I realize I'm very late getting my Christmas letter out, but there's a good reason for that: I'm late writing it. I hope you had a wonderful 2019. I started mine on the couch with my feet up....

 

Dorothy Wreaks Havoc on Thanksgiving and Not Just In Kansas

I was feeling pretty confident about cooking Thanksgiving dinner for eight guests until I saw the headline: Dorothy Could Make a Mess of Thanksgiving. Well dang. I've made a mess of Thanksgiving on...

 

No Elephants Were Harmed in the Making of this Column

There's a box in my guest room containing one redneck coloring book (never used), four pink flamingos (brand-new), one wrench beer opener (still in the package) and an assortment of other equally...

 

Cooks in Crisis

Every year, while I prepare our Thanksgiving meal, such as it is, I tune into The Splendid Table's annual live call-in show, Turkey Confidential, on National Public Radio. Food experts talk turkey abo...

 

Cheese Puffs and Politics

I was very inspired by an interview I heard on a news program today, if by inspired you mean completely disgusted and more cynical then I've ever been. It lasted at least two minutes and there was a...

 

Straight Talk About Geezeritus

I'll be 40 next year. Did I say 40? I meant 60. Same difference. They both fall under the benign-sounding umbrella of "middle age," though it seems to me calling 60 "middle" might be a tad...

 

Dancing a Metaphor for Life

As I spun around the room at a recent wedding dance, I had a profound thought: Dancing is a perfect metaphor for life, and not just the part about going around and around and getting nowhere. I've...

 
 By Dorothy Rosby    News    August 29, 2019

Clueless

If you'd noticed at all, here's how you might have interpreted what happened outside my home recently: Oh, a car with out-of-state plates. Someone in the neighborhood must have guests. End of story....

 

Saved by the Bell

I've got it: An easy way to avoid talking to people we don't want to talk to. Coincidentally, it's the same way we avoid talking to people we do want to talk to, and you know how we do that. We talk...

 

Siri, Cortana and Alexa Walk into a Bar

(Dear reader, what follows is a true story that I made up. In other words, it didn't happen, but it really could have.) Ann told a group of us having lunch that her husband is having an affair. "We...

 

Big Foot Is A Gasbag

After a great deal of time and effort and some very careful calculations, I've managed to measure my carbon footprint. It turns out that, much like my actual footprint, it's somewhere between a large...

 

One Small Step for Man, One Giant Leap for Bubblegum

It was fifty years ago on July 20 that astronauts Buzz Aldrin, Neil Armstrong and Michael Collins traveled to the moon, changing America forever and inspiring one of the most famous and often-quoted...

 

May I Speak to a Real Person Please

I once ordered virus software from a particular company. Turns out, it would have been easier to have a virus. I was unable to download the software, so I emailed the support desk for help as...

 

Business is Picking Up

An article's headline is like a carnival barker without the midway. Metaphorically speaking, it calls out to readers as they hurry by. "Read this! You won't win a giant teddy bear, but you won't have...

 

Business is Picking Up

The reason people who litter are called litterbugs is because they bug me. Okay, maybe that's not the reason. But they do bug me. Litter ends up in waterways. It makes road ditches and parks look...

 

Rules of Engagement on Facebook

I've only unfriended one person on Facebook, and he had it coming. It was before the last election, and Misguided Fool (not his real name) posted a steady stream of mean-spirited phooey. I realize tha...

 

His and Hers Sleep Checklists

Women need around 20 minutes more sleep per night than men do. I read it on the internet, so it must be true. Unfortunately, we also suffer from insomnia more often than men do, maybe because we have...

 

No Child Left on Their Behind

I haven't told my husband yet, but I've made a unilateral decision. We're going to observe Screen-Free Week April 29-May 5. I don't normally approve of unilateral decisions in marriages, but I'm suppo...

 

Remain Calm

I don't know how you find a needle in a haystack, but I do know how you find one in a carpet. You walk around in stockinged feet for a while; that's how. We just painted and put in new carpet in our...

 

Decision Time in Aisle One

I always get my milk last at the grocery store because I don't want it to curdle while I try to choose between whole wheat, crushed wheat, honey wheat, honey bran, sunflower, or twelve grain bread....

 

Seeking long-term relationships

A co-worker once asked me if I grew up during the Depression. "No, I did not," I snapped. "If I'd grown up during the Depression, don't you think I'd be retired by now?" I might have been a little...

 

The Coolest Generation

Every generation since Adam and Eve has criticized the next one for their music, fashion, work ethic and inexperience, forgetting that all those same criticisms were once leveled against them. Also...

 

Sole Mates and Surgery

I used to keep the partners of every sock my family ever lost on the off chance that someday their sole mates would return. It was wishful thinking, considering some of them probably went missing...

 

Dropping the Ball and Breaking the Plates

I'm trudging across a slushy parking lot when an acquaintance hurries by and says, "Hi! How are you?" I say, "Great! How are you," like I just won the lottery. Except I'm not fine. I had minor foot...

 

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